I broke my back! Not actually... but it sure as hell feels like it. It's likely a pinched nerve or something. I'm waiting for Monday to come, for the doctor's office to call and tell me "YES! Of couuuuurse your insurance covers the full cost of the MRI! Now, buckle up for the most claustrophobic experience of your life." I'm not sure how I feel about confined spaces because I've never really be trapped in one for a significant period of time. It's very likely that I'll like it. It might feel like a nice, long hug.
Like I said, my back is not broken, just badly maimed. I got ambitious this past Wednesday and agreed to meet a friend at 5am(!!) to go to the gym to teach her some jiu-jitsu basics. I was honestly so excited to show off my skillz because in BJJ (Brazilian Jiujitsu!! Focus!), I get my ass handed to me constantly. I mean, that's largely what's so great about the sport-- you are constantly learning something new. It's a continuously unfolding puzzle. Plus, the constant defeat is really great for humility and also makes those small victories so much sweeter.
So we're drilling at the gym. I'm teaching her some basic stuff. She has me in her closed guard *inserting more fancy BJJ lingo yada yada* and I go to stand up with her legs wrapped around my waist. I have done this move a million times. But this time, haha, this time!! I get up in the juuuust the wrong way and I feel the muscle in my back sort of slip and tug at the same time. I see stars or a lightening bolt. It was a quick stupor. I snap out of it and play it calm even though, at that point, I was pretty confident I screwed myself up pretty bad.
So now, I'm here. Bedridden. I've been here for 5 straight days now. I have so many thoughts on this situation. Part of me is grateful for the excuse to absolutely do nothing! But then, thanks to laptops and cell phones, you can still get work done with a screaming back! Hooray!
I'm pretty convinced my back is telling me that I need rest and move veeeery slowly, to watch the days gently pass by. I spent half of August in a car driving cross-country in both directions. I was sitting on my ass for a lot of hours and I suspect all that sitting put a nice little scrunch in my lower spine. I got through that road trip fast. It took me 5 days each way to get from coast-to-coast. I was alone, mind you, and on a pretty tight schedule going and coming back. I raced through the epic landscape, glancing at canyons, scanning distant storm cloud formations, side-eyeing the Rockies, only to return my gaze forward to the flat, gray road. I was pushing through the world too fast. I wasn't giving myself the proper amount of time to digest all the crazy magic of the Earth. It was like eating a whole turkey in two bites like it was a light snack. I thought I could beat time, at the time. I was street-racing the sun and the moon! It's all caught up with me now. Earth Mama's like, "Hey, my lil human, you move at my pace!"
The end. The muscle relaxers are kicking in. Good night internet!
Message from Kaitlin:
This is where I'll share notes and thoughts from the creative field.